I was never much of a procrastinator – but I’ve morphed into one lately.
Not at work, I hasten to point out. When I’m getting paid for my time I make sure that my time is worth what they pay me. It’s reassuring to know that my “paid” work ethic hasn’t degenerated into the realm of positive procrastination! My personal time – that’s another story altogether.
Used to be that if there was something to do – I did it, just so I knew it was done, and then I could relax. These days I can successfully ignore lots of little things for ages and ages, and then, when I finally coerce myself into doing them, it really is an uphill, grudged effort.
I don’t know when it happened, I think it’s just been sneaking up on me little by little. I can’t say that I’ve had any great change in my basic personality – I still DO love to accomplish things, it just seems that I don’t have the compulsion to do it right now anymore.
Maybe it’s old age, maybe it’s the wisdom that supposedly comes with old age, maybe I’ve come to realise that there really is more to life than “doing it now”, but somehow I’m doubting it – I think I’ve just got lazy in my personal time!
Ouch, that admission hurts.
Now, I don’t mind so much that I procrastinate in vacuuming, dusting or gardening, not even that I positively avoid listing my jewellery on Etsy (it’s such a time-consuming task for such a teeny reward). Nope, what’s bugging me is that I am procrastinating about doing what needs to be done to get this business venture up and on a firmer footing.
I should be coming up with brilliant ways to advertise myself, I should be out there speaking to groups about what I can offer, I should be putting myself on the line, and in the light, and generally stepping out of my comfort zone, to promote what I can do. – And there we may well have the crux of the matter!
When I was working at my previous employment and I had to promote the organisation, I could do that easily. I could talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I believed in the service we provided, and it wasn’t personal! If it didn’t convince people I didn’t take it personally, as it just meant that they didn’t need our service. With my venture, if people don’t want my service – well, that IS personal, because I AM IT!.
I need to find away to take my personal fear of “selling myself” out of this equation about promotion. It should be easy – I DO believe in the service I am providing, I DO know that I provide quality services and that I am good at it, I DO believe I am value for money. Sadly, somehow it’s just not working for me, and I am procrastinating about finding ways to promote myself.
I know that if I don’t overcome this, my business will never take off, and I will be a slave wage for the rest of my life (if I am lucky enough to be able to continue working as a casual where I currently am).
I need to find a way to procrastinate about procrastination – don’t two negatives make a positive?